Contrary to ancient wisdom, the customer is not always right.

But make no mistake that clients are not just to be valued, because without them there can be no business. In many circumstances saying No to a client may be the right thing for your business and your ability to serve that client successfully in the future. The challenge arises because the difficulty in saying No, whether to a client, or an associate, or vendor, encompasses the tension between exercising your power and nurturing your relationship.

So how can we say No and expect a desirable outcome? Fortunately, we have an expert who can help with that conundrum. Many of you may be familiar with the work of author William Ury and his book, Getting to Yes. Ury works with the Harvard Negotiation Project and is world-renowned and the creator of the win-win negotiation strategy. From his recent book, The Power of a Positive No, we can learn how to maintain our core values, respect others, communicate our interests effectively and protect principles valuable to us.

It's difficult to say No because we fear the risk of losing the sale or the client, damaging a relationship or even of putting your job in jeopardy. Beware of the three "A" trap: accommodation: a Yes that buys a false or temporary peace; attack: usually a response born out of anger and as Ambrose Bierce said "makes the best speech you'll ever regret"; and avoid; when we choose not to say Yes or No to possibly avoid disapproval and very likely cause angered responses. Avoidance is also physically and mentally unhealthy and can lead to ailments such as high blood pressure and anxiety.

Sound familiar? It did to me. Through understanding and accepting these typical forms of behavior we can be educated to a different and healthier response mode.

You need to prepare your response in three parts. First, you need a Yes that clearly expresses your interests. This would be internally focused and an affirmation of values important to you. Second, a No that will exert your power. Rooted primarily in your principles, you can say No and establish or clearly define your boundaries. Your strategic focus is defined by your saying No. You must protect what you value and you can do that and still show respect for the other person. You are allowed to stand on your feet without stepping on the toes of the other. For example, investor Warren Buffet says no to most deals. "All I have to do is say yes a few times in my life and I've made a fortune." Warren rejects deals for criteria that are important to him and his investors. I imagine being turned down by the master probably doesn't feel good but you have to respect his values and his successful method. The third part would be Yes, said the second time that is crafted to further your relationship.

Spend some time soul searching. To find your core values or reasons for saying No, you need to self-diagnose. Dig down a few levels to uncover your core beliefs and interests. Do this by continuing to ask 'Why?" You will discover the motivators behind your positions. To bring the importance of this concept into perspective, think about your approach to negotiation strategy. To make win-win progress, focus on discovering the real interests of the other party. Their stated positions may make them seem intractable or obstinate but by determining what points are truly of interest to them you may be able to offer solutions or mutual accommodations that will satisfactorily further both your interests. When you know your core value or interest, you may be in position to concede something to the other party that may satisfy them but not inhibit your success.

When you are comfortable with your values you will be better suited to keep your emotions in check. Then you can turn your emotions into resolve as champion athletes often do as they realize that properly directed emotions are the foundation of tremendous motivational power. Your positive intentions grow out of your emotions and it's the emotion behind the logic that drives decision making.

Ury tells us that that challenge in saying NO is to express your needs, interests, desires or concerns and not the neediness. Remember to be prepared when you plan to use your No. Always know your 'BATNA' which is your best alternative to a negotiated agreement. You may call it 'plan B' which is what you are going to do to help assure your interests are respected in the event the other party does not cooperate. Having an articulated and acceptable Plan B will give you the power to meet your own interests. You can be empowered to say No when appropriate and this will affirm your Yes.

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Joseph Greco is president of Greco Apparel. Visit them on the web at www.grecoapparel.com