Relationship Management

What improvements have you thought about making for the New Year? If you have been achieving all the desired results in your relationships with associates, vendors and clients, then you need to read this article no further. But, if you have not (like me), enjoyed the best responses possible, then there are some ideas I’d like to share with you.

Did you ever notice how you get along very well and easily with some people and with others, it doesn’t matter what you do, it’s like oil and water trying to mix? I have found that a bit of education in this area helped improve my relationship success. We’re all familiar with the old “Golden Rule.” And in this case, it’s not he who has the gold, makes the rules. It’s to treat others, as you would like to be treated. I offer consideration of the “Platinum Rule,” which embodies the spirit of the “Golden Rule.” Treat others, as they would like to be treated. How can this be done? How do we know how others may want to be treated? We need to analyze who those people are, how they think and operate if we are to successfully communicate, persuade, sell or otherwise provide leadership.

As is required in all problem solving, some diagnosis would be necessary. Fortunately, there are instruments available to help with this process. Different personality types have been identified as far back as the ancient Greeks. With modern psychology, Carl Jung categorized people as feelers, thinkers, intuitors and sensors. You may be familiar with some examples of more recent instruments known as Myers-Briggs, Performax and LIFO (Life Orientations). Qualified consultants or HR personnel could administer and interpret these personality inventories. Any of these systems should be judged by at least two criteria: 1) Do they educate and enlighten? And; 2) Can they be used in a practical manner to enable desired change for improvement?

But before you examine behavioral types you may want to consider a person’s frame of reference based on the stage of their personal development. From thousands of surveys, the authors, Fisher and Torbert (their book: Personal and Organizational Transformations) were able to categorize management personnel in the following frames. See if you can identify yourself or someone you know with any of these frame types.

Frame Name	Percentage Found	Focus of Awareness
Opportunist	1%	Own needs and self-interest. Self-protection. Acting on impulse.
Diplomat	5%	Acceptance and belonging. Socially expected behavior.
Expert	33%	Internal craft logic rules. Consistency and improvement. Rationality.
Achiever	35%	Results, goals and plans. Objective reality.
Individualist	14%	Everything is relative. Own ability to have impact.
Strategist	8%	Process and goal oriented. Systems view. Development over time.
Magician	4%	Interplay of awareness thought, action and effect. Transforming self and others.

Bear in mind that this is a progressive list with the later frames encompassing the characteristics of the preceding frame. For example, an expert has the capabilities of both the diplomat and opportunist. People generally don’t move more than one or two frames without great attention to change. When we are aware of our own frames and that of others, we can reduce unintentional conflict and misunderstandings. We can even help ourselves and others to transform beyond the limits of our present assumptions, say the researchers.

Within each of these frames or stages of development, people tend to have particular orientations or game plans for life. Dr. Stuart Atkins, author of “The Name of Your Game,” using a LIFO (Life Orientations) survey, has identified four such game plans. They are called: supporting-giving, controlling-taking, conserving-holding and adapting-dealing. With knowledge of our own game plan we can influence and communicate with others faster, more clearly and with greater impact. By knowing which game plan we prefer least we will have answers to why we are vulnerable to making major mistakes or overlooking important opportunities in our lives. The LIFO survey is a series of multiple-choice questions for which your answers identify your particular orientation. Here are some examples of the characteristics of the four types:

Game Plan and Orientation	Goals	Strengths
Supporting-Giving - If I prove my worth by working hard and seeking excellence, the good things of life will come to me.	Do what is right. Be helpful	Principled Cooperative Dedicated Loyal
Controlling-Taking- If I get results by being competent and seizing opportunity, the good things in life will be there for the taking.	Be in Charge. Get Results.	Persistent Initiating Urgent Directing
Conserving-Holding- If I think before I act and make the most of what I’ve got, I can build up my supply of the good things in life.	Be Reasonable. Make Sure.	Systematic Analytical Maintaining Tenacious
Adapting-Dealing - If I please other people and fill their needs first, then I can get the good things in life that I’ve wanted all along.	Know People. Get Along.	Tactful Flexible Aware Sociable

You may want to learn more about these approaches or you may be familiar with other systems of analysis. The key is to be aware that help for improving relationships is available. By gaining and utilizing this knowledge you have the opportunity to reduce frustration, accomplish more and improve the quality of your work and personal life.